Facing Facts
Its always harder to let someone go that u really did have feelings for. I’m not talking about one of those month long relationships i’m talking about one of those “damn ya’ll still together” type relationships, one where u can walk past an attractive person and pay little to no attention to there presence whether or not your other half is present or not. I had one of those relationships. in fact i actually had 2 of those types of relationships. Why don’t i have one now well it’s simply because i’m selfish, it was never anything they did or anything they said it was always me. It’s like i have the attention span of a dog. The longest i went in a relationship was idk 8 months with Christina, then all of a sudden i woke up one day and asked myself why. Part of it was me not wanting to have to worry about her and the shit she does when im not around, i mean i trusted her but im a jealous guy so why blame me. I would ask myself what she saw in me and why does she act the way she does so conservative, so reserved even when we were sitting on her nieces couch cuddled up watching whatever was on hitting each other with pillows and shit like that. Going to the park and just sitting on the bleachers that were used by the audience of the little league that i never saw play not a single game never the less, we would just sit there and kiss, maybe talk a little but never more than that she didn’t really like taking pics, not with me anyway. Was it my fault, was i to assertive, was i to me? That’s when i made the decision to end it where it was, pretty smooth break up, or at least i thought it was, she didn’t want to have anything to do with me afterwards, the only reason i know i actually meant every word i ever stated when it came to her was because it took me a couple of months to get over her. I mean like really that never happened to me before usually im the one who moves on the next one right away but this one was…it was……different. Then there’s the Vietnamese girl i dated for sometime her name is Annie, she might read this later on so if u do i want u 2 know u still hold a special place in my heart, i told her alot of things, why i dont like my dad, why i hang out with the ppl i hang out with, why i do what i do, why im me and not what everyone else wants me to be. She understood me for the most part, and for a period of time i understood her i can still read her like a book easy, but she has alot going on with her life that wasnt only stressing her out but me also, but i tried not to show her, i mean really what good is a relationship if both parties are depressed 24/7. I know she was someone special because i still ask myself why i broke up with her and i always come up with a new answer more bizarre than the last. I realized i dont need a girlfriend, i need a bestfriend, im honestly better off single, its harder to hurt someone if they know all ur in it for is sex as opposed to saying this and that for some odd months smashing then losing interest, are we wrong for what we do yes but that’s just human nature. No none of these girls deserved what i did to them, and am i regretful for what i’ve done, well lets just say i wouldn’t be human if i wasn’t. So b4 i end this i just want to say that im sorry, sorry for the false dreams i’ve sewed within the minds of many, i humbly apologize for the false truths i have entreated you with. No i dont want another chance, All i want is CLOSEURE.
